I have an aunt, really a second mother to me, who is dying of terminal cancer. Because of the virus, I can’t go and be with her right now, so we’ve been keeping in touch through e-mail and FaceTime chats. Our chats are wide ranging, talking about what I’m doing and what she’s experiencing as she goes through the stages of dealing with her diagnosis. She’s been remarkably clear headed about the whole thing, and hasn’t, at least as far as I have seen, spent a lot of time feeling sorry for herself.

The focus has been on making sure the details of a life that’s ending are covered, and making sure those around her are dealing with things as best they can. I admire how she’s handled things, and have taken wisdom from every chat we’ve had.

My aunt is, for lack of a better phrase, one of those people you would call the “salt of the earth”. She was a 4H leader, a hair stylist and a production worker. She had horses and dogs. She raised a boy and a girl with a man who was her high school boyfriend and who she married shortly after she graduated. They’ve been together ever since. Her life was never showy. She was always someone who lived by the rules, colored in the lines and worried about being a bother. When it came to calm seas versus making waves, she was definitely in the calm seas category. Which is why, when she told me she wished she’d taken more risks in her life, I was so surprised.

In one of our chats, she explained to me that knowing your expiration date, not in an abstract way but in a this is happening soon sort of way, tends to make all the stuff that you thought was so important seem very unimportant after all. You stop worrying, she told me, about who might be offended, or that you might be transgressing in some way. All the worries about what people might think, or say, or do become much less pressing. What matters instead is being true to yourself and making sure that those around you get the best of you that it’s possible to give. Everything else is inconsequential.

I saw this new way of looking at life in action when I recently started my own business. When I had first brought up the idea of going out on my own some time ago, my aunt’s reaction had been cautious. Why would I leave a secure job she asked? How would I know what to do if I went out on my own? Valid questions, I’ll admit, and typical of the attitude she had at that point. When I actually took the step and began to work for myself, her reaction was completely different. Now, she told me, she knew the value of trying to be all you can be, and she was proud of me for taking the step and giving it a go. Life is too short to do otherwise.

There are many articles and anecdotes out there talking about what people say or think when they know their lives are nearing an end. We’ve all heard popular quotes about no one on their deathbed ever wishes they’d worked more or about how people don’t want to get to the end of their lives and regret what they haven’t done. The lesson I’ve learned from my aunt is that you shouldn’t wait until your expiration date is staring you in the face to learn that you only get one life and you need to live it to the fullest. You have to choose to seize each day and make the most of it, and you have to seize each chance to make the most of yourself.

That, in the end, is what will really matter.