I want it noted that the working title for this blog post was “Manifesting My Fist in Your Face”.You’ll see why.

I’m a self help junkie from way back. I’ve been working on fixing myself and my life, or changing myself and my life, or creating my higher self, or whatever you choose to call it, since I decided that my life and what happened in it was my responsibility. In my quest to change the things that weren’t working, undo damage that had been done, or to unlearn coping mechanisms that weren’t serving me, I’ve read a ton of self help books. And most of them mentioned manifestation theory at some point.

Manifestation is what it’s generally called. I’m choosing to call it manifestation theory, because there was a theory behind it, and to explain it, I’ll mention what might be the most common manifestation theory success story out there. It involves Jim Carrey.

As the story goes, Jim Carrey was an unknown, homeless, broke and just a boy with a dream. One night, as he was sitting by the van in which, I believe, he was sleeping at the time, he wrote a check for 10 million dollars for “acting services rendered”, folded it up and put it in his wallet. Ten years later, he signed on to do a movie, and was paid ten million dollars to be the star.

He told this story, I think, on the Oprah show, and it has become manifestation theory legend. You envision something. You focus on the symbol of what you want to achieve. You close your eyes and wish really, really hard, and miraculously, the fairygodperson that is the universe gives you exactly what you desire. And it works for anything. Want to be thinner, get a picture of skinny jeans in the size you want to wear and wish. Want a job with a fancy title and a corner office, envision the nameplate on the door and the amazing view out of your office windows and wish. Want to find the love of your life, write down all the qualities of your ideal lover on a piece of paper and wish.

Now we come to the part of the post where I explain why the original title was “Manifesting My Fist in Your Face”. You see, I’m an amazing wisher. When I was in seventh grade, I wished as hard as possible that I could go one day without being bullied, but it never happened. When I was in high school I wished with everything in me that the boys I liked would like me, but they never did. When I was in my dark year, a big part of me wished that I could just die, and yeah, I suppose there’s some benefit to not being able to make my wishes become reality, but still, visualizing and manifesting didn’t get me anywhere. It seemed to work for other people, or so the books said, so it frustrated and angered me that it wouldn’t work for me.

Still, I read self help book after self help book that advocated manifestation theory, so I made the vision boards, and said the mantras, and wrote the journal entries, at least until I got tired, or bored, or distracted, or frustrated. And then I’d read the next book and try it again a slightly different way, and it was wash, rinse, repeat for years. Yes, I made progress, yes, things did change, yes I did change, but it was through action, not through manifesting. And yet, I never made that connection.

Until I read a book. The book is called The High 5 Habit, by a woman named Mel Robbins. I bought it back in 2021, but didn’t read it until just recently. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting much, and being advised to high five myself in the mirror didn’t really elevate my expectations. But then the book started explaining the science behind why that worked, and then Robbins went deeper and explained what you need to really make manifestation theory work. And I got it. Finally I understood why manifestation theory had never made any sense to me.

In the way manifestation theory is traditionally presented, you visualize your outcome, you maybe create some symbol of that outcome, and then the universe magically presents you with whatever is needed to make your outcome a reality. It’s like you’re standing in a field, staring up at a blue, blue sky, and the universe suddenly drops a “here’s everything you’ve ever wanted” bomb on you. In my experience, if you’re staring up at the sky and the something drops on you unexpectedly, it’s usually bird crap. So, I was skeptical of manifestation theory and how it supposedly worked.

In Mel Robbin’s version of manifestation theory, however, it isn’t necessarily the outcome you envision, it’s the process. Sure, maybe you make a vision board that says “New York Time Bestselling Author” or “Boston Marathon Finisher” or whatever the goal is, but what you envision is the actions you need to take to get there. So if you want to be a bestselling author, you envision all the screwed up sheets of paper on the floor from the drafts that didn’t make the cut. Or you envision words on a screen and a cursor erasing ten for every one that’s kept. You envision all the small actions and steps you’re going to take to get you where you want to be. It’s about the actions.

Suddenly, I got it. Yes, you need to have a vision and a goal. Yes, it helps to have a picture in your mind’s eye of why that goal is worth it. But that can’t be all there is. Once you have the goal in mind, you have to have a plan, and you have to envision all the actions and steps you’ll take to get you to that goal. It isn’t about wishing and waiting for things to happen. It’s about envisioning and taking action to make things happen. That’s what makes the difference.

I’m sure some of you are reading this and hitting the heel of your hand on your foreheads in the universal sign for “way to miss the obvious, dumbass.” And that’s fair. At the same time, though, a lot of the people who were writing about this theory in their books or on their websites were leaving out or glossing over this part too. I’d guess that’s probably because a theory is much more palatable if it tells you to envision this outcome or say these affirmations and everything you want will come to you, than it is if it says envision this outcome and say these affirmations and then work your ass off to get what you want.

Maybe, The High 5 Habit was just reminding me of something I knew, but didn’t want to admit, action is what matters. You can wish, and say affirmations, and do vision boards all you want, but it’s your actions that determine the actual outcome. So if you want to be a writer, or wealthy, or happily married, or physically fit, you have to take the actions to get you there. Wishing and hoping won’t make it so. Which may be a bummer for some people, but is kind of energizing to me.