As I mentioned in my last post, my aunt has pancreatic cancer and it’s terminal. Since the virus and the shelter in place orders, it’s not been possible for me to go and visit her, but we’ve been fortunate enough to be able to have FaceTime conversations.

Talking with someone who is facing the end of their life in a very intimate and proximate way is both a sad and amazing experience. In every conversation we’ve had, she’s said something that taught me a lesson. The one I want to mention today has to do with a story she told me

My aunt loved horses and I always remember her having two or three when I was growing up. She was also heavily involved in the 4H movement and was a leader and mentor for a lot of kids in that program. In typical fashion, if you asked her, she’d say she didn’t really do all that much. In reality, it turned out she had more of an impact than she knew. When she got diagnosed, and then when it turned out that her time was short, the family started reaching out and made people they knew aware of the diagnosis. Suddenly, my aunt started getting e-mails and notes from people she’d impacted, including some of her 4H kids.

Her face when she talked about these notes, and the people who sent them, would light up. She remembered specific details about the people in question from when she knew them. I could see the pride and gratitude she felt from knowing that what she’d done had made a difference in these people’s lives. As she said, she didn’t think she’d done anything extraordinary or anything big, but knowing it had made an impact and being told it had made an impact was a really powerful experience.

Aunt Jean has a way of teaching lessons without trying to teach lessons (the teaching gene is strong in our family) and this conversation was no exception. Her story of her 4H kids telling her about how she impacted them led me to reflect on who had impacted my life, and I told her a story of one person who had. Immediately she asked me had I ever told that person what an impact they had made in my life. I hadn’t. You can probably guess what the next question was.

I’d venture a guess that everyone has someone or multiple someones in their lives who made a difference and helped shape their lives for the better. Maybe it was a teacher or a coach, a scout leader or a boss. Could be it was a next door neighbor, or the owner of the corner store, or someone who ran a group or a page on social media. It doesn’t really matter who it was, what matters is letting them know they made an impact. We often wait until people’s lives are ending before we tell them that they mattered and made a difference, and that’s sad. Make it a point, every day, to let people who have helped you and influenced you for the good know that they’ve done so. Say thank you. Tell them that what they did mattered.

Most people, I think, go through life trying to do good and be a positive influence on the world and, I’d guess, most people wonder if they’re having any impact at all, let alone a positive one. If someone has made a difference in your life, however small, take a moment to leave a comment, send a message or write a note and let them know. We shouldn’t save those stories for after a person is no longer with us. Share the gratitude and the love with the person who made an impact while they can still acknowledge it and enjoy knowing that they made a difference.